Fear Theatre - Horror Reviews

Before Neil marshal fucked us over with the celluloid travesty that is ‘Doomsday’ he brought us this amazing little British-made nightmare that shows us why potholing and caving are both bad ideas.
A team of six headstrong and sporty girls (none of which are munters, strange that.) descend into a huge cavern deep in the woods to try out a spot of caving. Unbeknownst to them the cave is a literal death trap and soon not only do they find their way back out is blocked by falling debris, but the cave itself is inhabited by something far worse than they could ever possibly have imagined…
Make no mistake, this is one of the best horrors I’ve seen in a long fucking time and along with Dog soldiers and Outpost it puts Britain firmly on the map and well above our hapless Hollywood cousins, who seem to think that putting a creepy girl with long black hair in every one of their movies will make it scary. That used to work about ten years ago, give it up boys!

It’s violent, brutal, gory, tense and terrifying. The claustrophobic caverns themselves could give you nightmares and the girls would have had their hands full with them alone, but add an army of vicious cannibalistic monsters to the mix and what you have is sheer lunacy on a grand scale! There’s no fucking way this bevy of beauties is going to make it back to the surface with all their limbs intact, if they had the hindsight to bring a couple of dude’s along with them however, things might have turned out a little differently. But im a sexist motherfucker and im entitled to my opinion; even if it enrages you, sweetheart.

(All good opinions should enrage someone or they aint worth shit.)

Apparently the American and British endings are different in the sense that the American ending is rather upbeat, with Sarah escaping from the cave, bloody and crazed, the sole survivor and witness to the massacre that befell her party. In our version however we fuck her over some more and her apparent escape is all just a crazy hallucination, she is in fact still mired in the deep dark cavern, driven mad by the terror! Good times!

There’s now part 2 to look forward to, its in production right now and is set to hit our cinema screens in 2009 and features Sarah going back to the cavern with a search party to try and find Luna, who may or may not be still alive after their vicious girl-on-girl pick-axe brawl in the first one.
That works for the nicey-nicey American version but how the fuck do they manage to spin that for our version?
She didn’t escape, remember?

OFFICIAL REVIEW

A group of girls seek adventure on a caving expedition. Deep inside underground caves they find themselves cut off from the world and off the map. Battling to get back to the surface they realise that they are being hunted by an unknown cannibalistic force. Now they must pull together and fight for their very survival.

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This post is tagged blood, cannibalism, caves, darkness, MADNESS, monsters, neck chomp, woman on woman fight!!, women