Fear Theatre - Horror Reviews

So a dirty lying cunt of a title isn’t a good start to any movie. Far from being the final chapter, as stated above, this was probably the main spur for continuing the series all the way to ten, with major help from a decent script, tense camera work, excellent gore and effects work from the master, Tom Savini.

There were also roles for a young Corey Feldman as Jason’s new nemesis, Tommy Jarvis, and a young Crispin Glover playing one of the camp’s new cannon fodder. Who can forget that here is where we get our first good look at the grown up Jason’s ugly fucking face without the hockey mask. Don’t laugh too much, I’m sure I dated that once…

Surprise, surprise: Jason goes on the rampage once again after waking toe-tagged in the local morgue and, obviously pissed off at this new turn of events, making handy use of a surgical saw and scalpel to butcher a couple of innocent hospital staff. And they say the NHS is without benefits?

Back at the old stomping ground, a new group of fun loving teenagers have just arrived. “Meat parcel for a Mr Voorhees”. Soon there’s all manner of bloody deaths and stupidity, including: wandering around in the dark alone, skinny-dipping in the lake at night, singing loudly in the shower (you might as well be wearing a fucking target in these movies if you’re going to start that shit), having unprotected casual sex, and telling your new boyfriend that you love them. Silly. All of the above guarantee you a nasty death in this movie. Fuck knows what you get if you try a combo!

To be perfectly honest, if I was the local authority I would have drained the lake, salted the earth, burned the local woods and razed the fucking children’s camp to the ground before I let any more teenagers/camp councilors fuck and drink themselves to an early grave at the (absolutely fucking huge) hands of the butcher of Crystal Lake, Jason Vorhees. I mean, how many times must this madman be allowed to stagger back home for a massacre before someone thinks, “Hey…I’ve got an idea! Let’s just fucking bomb Crystal Lake and be done with it! That’ll fucking teach him; he’ll have to find somewhere else for his bloodbath then won’t he?”

Wait a minute…that’s my door bell, I’ll be right back.

>machete in face<

Alternatively, we could open a new ‘Camp Crystal Lake’ in Iran or Syria; it’s cheaper than a coordinated military strike and twice as much fun. Though old Jason may have some trouble finding underage shagging and drinking in a predominantly Muslim country.

Hhhmmmm…maybe I didn’t think that one through properly.

Most interesting death?

Crispin Glover shouts for his corkscrew and gets it, though not in a bottle of Chardonnay like he’d hoped. Another guy gets his face literally squashed so hard it kills him. Talk to the hand…TALK TO THE MOTHERFUCKING HAND!!!

Has Jason learnt any new skills this time around?

He’s got a new 101 class in ripping fuse and phone boxes off of walls.  Also, he can now hate dogs and prop corpses around the house in a series of ‘fun’ positions. His polo technique still needs work, but he’s learning…he’s learning.

Does he get his ass kicked at any time?

None of these guys look like they could kick Jason’s mum’s ass and she’s been fucking dead for years (wakka wakka). Except, maybe, for the camper with a vengeance. Although that insurgent’s challenge ends with the camper in question being thrown through a living room window with a hammer stuck in his head. This time round it’s not a pretty girl who bitch slaps him at the end of the movie; it’s a ten year old kid and a pretty girl. Once again, Jason just can’t seem to keep his shit together for the full running time. You’ve let the side down again, Jason…badly.

Any weird parts?

I find his new peculiar habit of moving corpses around after the bloodbath a bit strange, especially nailing them to doors and shit for the obligatory ‘final screaming survivor’ to find on their aimless run around the house. He really needs to get a hobby. I hope those crochet classes work out for him - they make me happy.

Interesting movie fact?

Believe it or not, out of all the Friday the 13th films to be released, this one has the most tits on display! I know, I didn’t believe it either…

OFFICIAL REVIEW

Crispin Glover and Corey Feldman star in this, the fourth movie in the venerable FRIDAY THE 13TH series. Though some had written off the series by this installment, in retrospect this looks like it was the best of the series (leading to more sequels, despite the title). First, Glover injects some much needed personality into the film as Jimmy, one of the many doomed teenagers at Camp Crystal Lake, and he seems to somehow make the other teens a little more entertaining, including Feldman’s Tommy, ostensibly the hero of the picture. Second, and perhaps most importantly, the gore effects here are done by the legendary Tom Savini (the original FRIDAY THE 13TH and DAWN OF THE DEAD), who adds a level of inventiveness to the endless killings that the series hadn’t yet experienced. Plus…horror fans finally get to see what Jason looks like under that trademark hockey mask.

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This post is tagged corkscrew death, dead fuck, hes damn fucking ugly, skinny dipping, stabbed, twins