Buried Alive

Jul 8th 2008
No Comments
respond
trackback

A great little slasher horror from the twisted mind that also wrote “The Hunted” starring Tommy Lee Jones, and the new, ultra violent “Rambo” movie starring Sylvester Stallone as the 196 year old Vietnam veteran who likes nothing better than killing people who speak different languages from him (mongoloid Swahili).

Starring the totally fucking gorgeous Erin Lokitz (”The Graveyard”), the boobalicious blond haired vixen that is Lindsey Scott (I don’t give a fuck what she’s been in previously…I would.), and the not very pretty, in fact quite hideous looking, Tobin Bell (Bogeyman 2, Saw 1 to Saw 1,803, Deep Red).

I came to watch this movie by mistake. I actually thought I’d purchased ‘Big Tits Takes a Holiday’ and I got this in the DVD case instead. Naturally, I was too embarrassed to take it back to the store. It’s actually not bad; a decent body count and pretty gory deaths (someone takes a running swing at a guy and cuts him totally in half, another guy gets his face sliced off like roast beef - I’ll have half a pound of face please Mr. shop-keeper). Unfortunately for me, I just couldn’t pull one off to it as Tobin Bell’s hideous face kept popping up during the film…shame that.

It has also got a not-bad nudity score with plenty of half-shown T&A scattered about in the movie, although I really had to laugh at some fucking dweeb on IMDB.com who stated, and I quote: ‘I was disappointed about the levels of nudity and titillation in a slasher film that could have otherwise been excellent’. Go back to watching chick-flicks then you stuck up little prick and stay out of my horrific domain of terror and titillation. I like it here and if I ever meet you in the street, I’ll fucking butcher/flash you myself in all manner of horrific and titillating ways. >tee-hee<

A group of stupid, sexed up teenagers take a drink and drug fueled break at a haunted ranch on ancient Navaho land. Unfortunately for them, one of their number has taken to looking for hidden gold deep in the basement and uncovers the (not very dead) body of a woman buried alive many years earlier who soon goes on a murderous rampage. A murderous rampage that seems to bypass our fun loving teenagers’ completely as one by one their numbers are brutally shorn, leaving only three left to survive the night against a seemingly unstoppable witch with a love of axing people in two and popping up in unexpected places.

‘Will someone fucking stab her!!?’ I shouted at the television. Someone did and got fucked up for their trouble. I concured then that she was unstoppable, and would have probably been sliced into little ‘Jamie pieces’ in this movie, too.

Hi there, Mr. Shopkeeper! I’ll have a bag of Jamie slices, please. Why, thank you.

All in all, I would give this an above average rating for a slasher movie. It’s a great Saturday night popcorn movie for you and the bird, or even you and a couple of pissed up friends - but don’t go expecting award winning acting or super-dooper special effects as you will be sorely disappointed. And to recap what I also stated previously, you just can’t wank to it.

Damn you, Tobin Bell. You are a hideous, hideous man.

OFFICIAL REVIEW

Terrifying horror film about a group of college students hunted by the evil spirit of a woman who was buried alive years ago in their secluded vacation house, the children will pay for the sins of the parents…

: Don't take our word for it! Buy a copy of Buried Alive and see it for yourself.
Can't find a copy in the stores below? Then email our resident movie hunter and we can keep an eye out for a copy.; Get this film from Ebay; Or take a look for it on Amazon!