A mish-mash of crazy monsters, zombies and ghouls pitch together at the command of an evil sorcerer to kill off a bunch of terrible actors and a thirteen year old kid (on his birthday no less, the bastards…) trapped within a giant mansion in the middle of nowhere. So, dim the lights, switch off your brain, and suspend all belief for the maddening onslaught of Spookies!
Spookies? In all honesty, they could have called it ‘crappies’ as that would be closer to the truth. Basically, our nine trapped-in-the-eighties party goers (trust me, I use that term very loosely, one of these guys is about fifty) are looking for someplace to party, out in the middle of nowhere no less, when they stumble across an abandoned looking mansion in the middle of a mist shrouded graveyard. So do they say to themselves ‘fuck that’ and find somewhere a little less, well, horror movie-looking to party and make out? Nah, of course they don’t, that’s crazy talk and you know it.
‘Who would build their house in the middle of a graveyard?’ one of our middle-aged idiots quips. ‘Maybe the house was here first.’ Comes the answer. Yes, sure, because that makes even more sense, let’s build a massive fucking creepy graveyard around our house. A path you say? Nah, don’t need one ‘cos im obviously a moron and morons don’t use paths, they fly through the air, squawking.
The rest of the movie comes at us fast and furious, which is actually one of its saving graces. Our hapless victims are quickly pitted against a whole host of monsters, including a giant spider-woman who sucks her victims dry, a gang of monstrous slug gremlin thingies (best description I’ve got…sorry ), a gay looking cat monster with a frilly red shirt and a hooked hand, the hideous farting muckmen, and many more weird and wonderful monsters that, lets face it, are right up there with the mummy and classic George A. Romero zombies as movie monsters that I could definitely take in a fist fight and come out tops. You can kill the muckmen by throwing red wine at them for fucksake and I thought that only worked with chronic alcoholics. Then there’s the seven foot scythe wielding grim reaper who explodes when he falls off a six foot high roof! Eat your heart out Rod Hull, beat that for an exit…
So should you watch it? Why the hell not? It’s not going to win any awards, either for its low budget effects or acting, but it just has that certain ‘something’ that makes it a perfect Saturday night popcorn and beer movie. Any horror where a terrified man in his mid-fifties actually manages to jump through a solid wooden door gets a thumbs up from me.
OFFICIAL REVIEW
A black comedy-horror, set in a derelict mansion amidst a mist-shrouded graveyard, where both the living dead and a host of monsters are set to rise again looking for human sacrifices, at the command of an evil sorcerer.
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This post is tagged abandoned house, bad eighties clothing, monsters, scythe, zombies
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