Fear Theatre - Horror Reviews

Idle hands are the devil’s playground and if you don’t keep them busy, they’ll butcher your family, your friends, and maybe even your high school sweetheart…try masturbation to keep those little blighters busy, or as our so called ‘hero’ of this tale calls it - ‘stress relief’.

This is a great little under-rated horror comedy flick from two writers (Ron Milbauer and Terri Hughes) that have worked on mostly television episodes, including Point Pleasant and Supernatural.

What I liked most about Idle Hands is that it doesn’t fall into the trap that most spoof horror movies do; sacrificing gore and decent scares for slapstick deaths and gentile laughs that are usually shite anyway - Scary Movie franchise anyone? Those movies just made me want to fucking kill Marlon Waynes and the rest of his un-funny brood, or maybe just torture them a little a la Reservoir Dogs style while ‘Stay’, the shite song that accompanied the original movie, blares in the background…oops, sorry Marlon. There goes an ear, your writing hands next.

Apologies, I’m rambling again and my bitterness knows no ends, so I’ll get back to the review at hand and hate the world on my own time.

Anton (Devon Sawa) is a teenage waste-bag who does nothing all day long except hang around with his two stoner friends smoking pot, watching television and lusting after the girl next door (Jessica Alba); who let me tell you right fucking now, is waaayyyy out of his league. I love her, she’s in my top five, so nobody else can touch her. You can, however, gaze longingly at the fine selection of pictures over to your right, then just put her out of your mind for good. It’s for the best, really.

When Anton’s parents are brutally murdered as he sleeps upstairs (within 5 minutes of the movie starting - excellent!), and those murders are quickly backed up by a rash of other brutal neighborhood murders, Anton and his friends quickly realize something is amiss and that the murderer could be closer to home than they think. So close, in fact, that it is currently residing in Anton’s left hand (not his wanking hand) and butchering anyone who comes near in a variety of gruesome and surprisingly bloody ways. That’s too bad for his stoner friends then…

(When finding a piece of torn shirt clutched in a dead woman’s hand matches the piece missing from the shirt Anton is currently wearing)
Stoner friend: “Shit man, the killer was wearing your shirt!”
Anton: “Eh guys, I think there’s something I have to tell you…”

Soon the movie goes completely nuts. But in a good way, trust me.

Anton’s two brutally murdered friends come back from the dead because they’re basically too fucking lazy to walk towards the light (and they didn’t like the ‘Enya’ style music accompanying it anyway). So they spend the rest of the movie both annoying and grudgingly helping him put a stop to his bad-hands’ homicidal rampage.

There’s the lovely, and totally bootylicious Vivicia A. Fox (Kill Bill 1 and 2) who arrives on the scene with a mission to destroy the devil hand for good, and quite possibly its owner, too. Also, a school Halloween dance that turns into a massacre, a puppet fighting scene where the glove puppet nearly kicks Anton’s ass, an amazing soundtrack from the likes of Rob Zombie, the Ramones and Motley Crue, and more one-liners than you can waggle an evil finger at.

Oh, and there’s the lovely Jessica Alba…mmmmmm….lovely.

Lovely and mine, remember.

OFFICIAL BLURB

They say that the Devil will find work for idle hands to do… but what happens when he chooses the laziest teen slacker in the world to do his brutal dirty work?

This post is tagged Comedy Horror, death by bottle, jessica alba in pyjamas!, killer hand, zombies